Diving In: an introduction

I have to admit, I’m scared. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing here or how writing on this Substack will work out. Even though I’ve been formally trained in filmmaking and storytelling and have been communicating in various roles throughout my life, I’m still feeling doubts. I doubt my writing is “good enough” or even worse that it will be rejected by you. It’s taken me my whole life to recognize falsehoods like these doubts. Hidden in the shadow of my psyche, they only serve to hold me back. Still, the voice remains, nagging, lying. The voice will never go away, but I can quiet it and when I do my confidence returns.

It reminds me of an experience I had when I was a child of about 8 years old. This was my first summer at the new community swimming pool. The call of childhood independence beckoned with lazy days in the cool water, water fights, and diving in the deep end. But this privilege would only be afforded me if I could pass the swim test to earn the badge that would unlock the realm of the diving boards. The badge was a circular patch that was safety pinned to your swimsuit, proudly displaying to the lifeguard that you were qualified and old enough to swim in the 12 foot depths of the diving well. I stood in line to wait my turn to demonstrate my qualifications and swim the 25 meter distance of the pool. This was the test; make it to the other side without touching bottom, and you passed. It should be no problem. I knew how to swim. I loved to swim. But the other side of the pool looked so far away. And what if I had to stop? I’d fail and be relegated to the kiddie end of the pool. I couldn’t stand the pressure, so I fled the line and ran back to where my mother and father were sitting watching the outcome of the test. In tears I told my parents that I was too scared to try. My mother looked into my eyes for a long moment, smiled and said, “You know how to swim. Remember the other times when you swam this far?”

I nodded through my tears.

“Don’t look at the end of the pool, focus on each stroke, and with each stroke you’ll be closer to the other side. But,” she added, “it’s your choice. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want.”

She narrowed her eyes and looked into mine more deeply, subtly shrugged her shoulder, then looked away at my older brother already standing on the diving board.

Every once in a while, we need someone who knows us better than we do to remind us that we are more capable than we know. Every once in a while, we need a reminder to dig a little deeper to reach our internal courage that can propel us toward our goal.

The tears kept flowing because I had nowhere else to go. I had no choice but to get back in line to swim the test. This is what I wanted. So, when my turn came, I took a long breath and jumped in. At first the water felt cold, but it held me up. I started my first stroke and moved forward, then the next - a little farther. And so it went. And before I could think about how far I needed to swim; the other side of the pool was in reach. With one more stroke I touched the other side. Through all the doubt and the tears, I earned my badge and what a summer it was.

I am writing Spawning Fish Tales to further my self-understanding through stories that provide opportunity to reflect on my behavior and the choices I make. I hope they can do the same for you. Through these tales, I hope to pull back the veneer of the human experience a little and reveal some of the ways our shadow side tricks us into believing untruths that cause suffering. Like the little boy wanting to earn his swimming badge, but lacking confidence in his capabilities, we often can’t see the full truth of a situation in the moment. Not because we are incapable, but because of the ways that shadow voice distorts and controls - especially when that control keeps us from what we truly desire.

In life the tactics we use in pursuit of our desires often rise from a mythology we tell ourselves - or is told to us. These myths can either embolden, or more often limit us. Through these tales, I will attempt to decode these myths and hopefully reveal them for what they actually are.

My goal is to regularly publish fictional tales based on trending topics, personal lessons learned, and events told to me. Using short stories, poems, or essays, I hope you’ll find recognizable situations that give you pause, with a surprise or a chuckle, to help you better understand the ways we relate to our world. I will strive to point to the positive about humanity whenever possible; however, I suspect much of this work will explore that shadow side. In looking into the shadow I hope these tales can heal, teach, and strengthen us through greater understanding of what is true and empowering about the human condition.

I’m happy you are here with me. So, let’s dive in together and swim across this pool of life. We can do it!

What you can expect

My plan is to release one new short story, poem, or essay each Saturday morning. At this point all the content on this Substack will be free because I am looking to grow a community of readers who like my writing style and storytelling. So, my deepest wish is for you to share these emails and posts with others you know to help me grow that audience. I hope you will. Thank you.

While the content will be free during this start-up phase, it still takes me quite a bit of time and effort to research, create, and edit the works I’ll give you. I would be thrilled if you add to the tip jar from time to time and help sustain me in that process.

Finally, I would be delighted if you maintained your subscription.

Benefits of being a subscriber

1. You’ll be the first to receive each new story right to your inbox every Saturday morning - easy and simple.

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3. Your subscription and others will help me track the growth of my audience and gauge when and what other features and services I’ll add to this Substack - creating a better experience for you.

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You can always unsubscribe at any time, no questions asked.

Thank you.