Reflecting in the Moonlight

for all those bittersweet moments we share with people who move in and out of our lives

Credit: source images, Pixabay; photo illustration, Paul Kulpinski

By the time we stole ourselves away from the crowd, we knew we were already too late. Too many opportunities before then, intentionally allowed to slip through our hands. Too afraid to risk. Too afraid to disturb the trajectory each of us had already set ourselves upon. Safer to not explore the potential. Held at arm’s length, never spoken out loud, only imagined what we would never allow. For months orbiting around each other, unwilling to let the gravitational attraction overcome the repulsive force of established momentum.

Tonight, your last night here, we left the party early and walked south along Fifth Avenue. The freshly fallen snow hushed the few taxi cabs trawling for fares and kept others indoors. Leaving just us and making the city unusually serene. I’ll never forget how the full moon revealed itself between the parting clouds, how the sparkling snow in that silver light and the nostalgic Christmas displays in store windows seduced an illusion that the myth could be real. Just grab it.

You took my hand, and we walked on pretending to be lovers. No one would know the difference here. We played the part well, but it was a stubborn dead end we walked toward. Still, we walked on. You told me that every full moon you see after this, you’ll think of this moment. I smiled and wondered if you really would.

At the end, at your doorstep we turned toward each other and looked deeply into each other’s eyes. We soaked up all we could to sustain ourselves for a life apart. We said good-bye and kissed gently, a momentary first and last kiss. You walked in the door, and I walked away forcing myself not to look back. Looking back would let gravity win and knock me out of orbit.

The full moon is high in the midnight sky on this summer night hundreds of moons later. I pause. I look up, remembering you. I want you to be looking up, too. Here I am. Can you feel me reflected in this moonlight? I try to feel you, and I wonder.

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