The Outsider
Stepping into the forgotten
All around her sparrows sing. Four of them flitting from one perch to another. Flapping, hovering, singing. She sings too, and they laugh.
“Your voice is not right,” one sparrow says to her.
She tries again, changing her voice. Trying to learn the song of a sparrow. They laugh at her again and continue their flitting and singing. She turns. Crash! Knocking over the water dish, again.
“Be more careful,” another sparrow says to her.
“I am being careful,” she pleads.
The sparrows flit around her, singing.
“Where is all the food?” another sparrow asks.
“She ate it,” scolds another.
“I was hungry,” she replies.
“You’re always hungry,” declares another.
She looks into the fog that surrounds her and notices distant trees hovering like ghosts. A memory of a desire for soaring flushes over her. She spreads her wings in an attempt to flit and dart like her companions. Crash! Something else knocked over, again! The sparrows laugh.
Out of the fog something flitters and floats toward her. Growing larger as it flies nearer, the iridescence of a butterfly’s sapphire blue wings becomes more brilliant. She is stunned watching this beautiful creature dance and float in the air. She admires the butterfly’s ability to soar and fly across the distance and recognizes something familiar about it. She’s not sure what. The butterfly settles just above her head onto a structure she forgot was there and folds its wings. She wonders how she too might soar and fly off into the distance. The sparrows however want nothing to do with the butterfly and gather together in a cluster along the floor.
“Ah, er, Butterfly? That is what you are isn’t it?” she asks the blue winged being.
Butterfly sits there, quietly unfolding and folding its wings to its own rhythm.
“Um, Butterfly, how is it that you can dance and soar in the great distance?” she continues.
Butterfly folds and unfolds its wings then turns to her.
“It is how I am. It is what I do,” it replies.
Confused at Butterfly’s reply, she thinks deeply about what it could mean.
“How do you know what it is that you do?” she asks.
Butterfly extends its wings and floats up from where it rested hovering over her and the unwitting sparrows.
“I do not question why you choose to live in a cage with sparrows. I trust that you have your own good reasons for doing so. Just like you, I know deep in my underbelly how to be the most magnificent creature I can ever imagine myself to be,” Butterfly says.
Butterfly’s words sting like a slap on the face. She looks around at the four sparrows huddled on the floor around her feet. In a cage? Impossible! She would never agree to live in a cage. The sparrows stare up at her with wide eyes. She looks back up to Butterfly floating above a structure of thin bars that she now recognizes as a barrier between herself and the trees.
“How can I know who I am?” she asks Butterfly.
Butterfly floats outside the thin bars and flaps its wings at her.
“Why do you long for the trees out there in the fog?” came the reply. “That longing is your first clue.”
“Are the trees even real?” she asks.
“Spread your wings. What do you see?” Butterfly suggests.
She spreads her wings and with a startle sees long black wings that once again knock over everything in her reach. Looking down at her feet she sees her long black tail. In fact, she now realizes that her body takes up most of the interior of the cage she occupies with the four sparrows. A door along the side of the cage catches her eye, and with her large beak she fiddles with the release.
“If you leave, don’t ever think of coming back!” shouts one of the sparrows.
She looks out at Butterfly who is now hovering around the sides of the cage.
“What will happen if I leave?” she asks Butterfly.
“If you leave the cage, you will die…”
“Ha!” she interrupted. “I knew there was a reason I’m in here! I’ll never leave!”
Butterfly continued, “…you will die to your fears no longer. You will live by your own knowing and not by the opinions of any other. You will be revived and reinvigorated. Angry no more for your wisdom will help guide you in knowing which way to fly.”
She looked over the edge of the now open door of the cage. “I’m scared,” she said.
“The parts of yourself that you hide because they seem too much or too weird for others are your superpowers not something to be ashamed of. The cages you keep folding yourself into are not meant for you,” says Butterfly.
She takes a deep breath, then squeezes herself through the door and into total darkness. She feels the sensation of falling but can’t be sure; the darkness is so complete. Instinctively, she spreads her wings to stop the falling sensation. She flaps. Her sensation of falling changes to an awareness of climbing. She feels the pressure of air under her wings with each stroke. She climbs higher and higher through the vapors of her doubt until she senses a light from somewhere. She searches for it, flying right then left. Everywhere she goes, the light follows. “Where is that light coming from?” she thinks. She looks up then down and sees something she forgot long-ago. A bright luminescence radiates from her belly. She recognizes it as her passion. Her longing. She laughs and the light grows brighter. Climbing higher, the light shines even brighter until the darkness fades revealing a mountain in the distance. She flies toward it. Circling the mountain top, she finds a tall pine tree to land on and settles.
In the growing dawn of her new understanding, she takes stock of her strong, sturdy wings. Her belly now a glowing ember of enthusiasm and desire.
“What now?” she thinks. Then, a voice.
“Now? Want not more. Instead, want to be fully present. Want to love your awareness. Embody your passion. Share your joy! When you are in doubt, remember your wisdom - the wisdom that comes from discerning truth amongst all the information available to you.”
She looks around and sees she is alone but not for long. A small group of black birds approach from the distance, growing larger as they get closer. Three ravens circle above her then settle in the branches of her tree.
“We’ve looked everywhere for you!” says one of the ravens.
“We thought you might have been lost to us,” says another.
“We are so happy you are here!”
She flies up over the treetops with the three ravens, soaring, diving, rolling, and remembering after so long how magnificent she really is. How seductive were the lies of others telling her she wasn’t enough, was too much, or didn’t belong; submitting to them under the illusion of stability and security. In this new joyful state she recognizes that her security is always within her. Her security rests in her ability to skillfully discern the most appropriate path forward and choosing to fly in that direction, noticing new information and choosing anew.
